Sunday, August 3, 2014

Onward; Part One

There are two doors in front of you. The doors are both white and have a stainless steel door knob. You notice a glimmering light seeping out from under the one on the right and a subtle rumbling sound coming from the the left.  You can't see what's behind either of the doors, but you have to choose one of them to move on.

Based on your only two observations, you decide to go with the door on the right. As you open it, the light fades and everything goes black. The door disappears and now you have no choice, but to keep going forward. Once your eyes adjust to the darkness, you notice something moving up and down in the distance. You decide to to walk in the opposite direction. As you continue on your way you realize that you're in a hospital hallway. Lights start to flicker on a people start to appear. They're walking out of rooms and into other rooms in a synchronized fashion. No one seems to notice you're there. The exit signs point at each other and there seems to be no way out so you sit in a chair and watch the people go in and out in and out in and out in and out. It's been 6 days now and you've found that every time the clock strikes 7:18 a door appears and the people stop moving and a woman with long black hair gives them a sip of water and at 7:21 when she's done giving everyone water, they continue on their way. She walks back into the room and it disappears. You decide that today is the day you'll confront the woman with the long black hair. At 7:20 you sneak into the room. There is nothing in the room except an old recliner chair your dad always sat in when he would read the sports section of the news paper. The black haired woman comes into the room and sits in the chair. It isn't long before she notices you're in the room with her. She smiles at you and offers you a mint in her pocket. As you reach for the mint, you skin brushes hers and the room begins to spin. She along with the recliner chair disappear and you close your eyes. Once you're sure everything has finished spinning, you open your eyes and you're back in the dark room from which you began.
This time you decide to go in the direction of the moving thing. The closer you get to the thing, you notice it is a red jelly ball. The ball is moving side to side as if it is being kicked around by two people. The distance it travels along with the ball shrinks each step you take towards it. The ball is the size of a marble when you pick it up. There is a crashing noise and a scream. You call out to see what happened, but its quiet. Lights turn on and you're in the baggage claim area of an airport. A man with large, thick brimmed glasses in a suit is holding a sign up with your name on it. He doesn't ask any questions and neither do you. He reminds you of a garden snake in tall grass the way he walks through the crowd. He takes you too a room in the airport the resembles a fancy hotel. The clothes and shoes are all your size. You comb your hair and decide to take a bath. The water is warm and the you put in salts that smell like your mom, like lavender. These past couple days have been a bit much and have really taken a toll on you. Where are you? Where is everyone? Why are you so alone? Your body sinks into the water. It slithers into your ears and nose. You close your eyes. Your hair is now floating in front of you. Your mouth, the gate of the lion's den, opens and releases the lions who waited patiently in the darkness. When you come up there is a figure in the bathroom with you. He stands a mere 5 feet tall and shivers with a gun in his hand. Before you can utter a breath, he raises the gun. He turns away and pulls the trigger. The bullet hits you right in the center of your chest. This is something his boss with pay him a little extra for when he takes your body to him. You stay in the tub and decide to finish your bath as he lifts your body out of the tub.
You go down the drain with the dirty bath water and at first the walls are wet and sticky. After what seems like 10 minutes, the walls become smooth and soft. The walls cling on to you, suffocating you and finally spit you out into a room filled with mirrors of all shapes and sizes.You look at yourself in a long oval shaped mirror with a dark mahogany frame. You look just as you did before the man shot you. All the scars in the same places. You brush you index finder over one on neck as you try to remember where each one comes from. They all tell the same story of one's acceptance with their body. You didn't used to like what you were inherently given and you tried everything to be something you were never made to be. Do you remember all the things you put in your body to feel something different, all the things you took out because you were never comfortable. What was moving on like? Did you ever really move on? You close your eyes as your fingers brush over a scar on the backside of your head. It's small and you cringe when you remember how it felt when you would pick at it when it would scab over. When you open your eyes the mirrors are gone, but two doors you remember from before are now in front of you. The same glowing light still crawls out from beneath the door on the right and the same rumbling noise echos out of the left door. Do you dare go through the right door again? Maybe it will be different this time? You know what happens. Maybe you can change that upon entering again. And if things aren't going as planned, you know what needs to happen to return back to this point. What if the rumbling noise fades the way the light faded beyond the right door? You don't hesitate another second.

It is bright on the other side of the left door. The hot sun at the top of the sky beats down on your skin. You're in a desert. The sand stretches on for miles in all directions. Hills of sand seem to roll like waves. There is a strong wind blowing to the north and you decide to follow the wind. You have been walking for two days now, but you are not thirsty nor do you hallucinate. Your legs haven't given up on you yet as you are determined to find something. On one of the nights you hear a howl. You howl back to it and it reveals itself to you. It is a wolf. It's blue eyes cut through you as it walks continues towards you. It's bigger than what it seemed like, your heads are parallel and it's teeth as pearly white. You're cold with fear as the wolf circles you and sniffs you. You close your eyes as it stops and stares at you. You can feel it's breath on your face. When you open your eyes the wolf is sitting facing the direction you were walking in. The wolf shows no sign of wanting to attack you so you pet it behind the ears. It turns it's head back and licks your hand. The wolf follows you on your journey. It's been five days now and now your throat is getting dry, your legs getting weak. You stop to rest. When you wake up, you are soaring through the desert on the back of the wolf. The stars are bright and abundant in the sky. You look into them until you fall asleep again. You're on a beach now with the wolf. He doesn't leave your side as you get up to drink from the crystal clear waters. They splash around your mouth and replenish the your insides. The waves crash onto the sand and race up towards where you're standing. They kiss your toes and caress your legs. The wolf stays on the beach and watches you go deeper into the waters. You call to the wolf. It doesn't budge. Eventually the wolf gives in and joins you in the water. On contact, the wolf becomes one with the water. You don't see it, but you know that you're not alone in the ocean. You can feel the wolf swimming in the ocean protecting you from whatever may be out there. The water feels good on your skin. You let the waves crash over you and take you up and down the beach. You feel safe in the water. You feel small. You feel powerless. You've given in and let the water take you places you would have never gone on alone.
A soft voice calls your name from afar. It tell you it's time to go now it's time to go home. But you are home. The water has become your home. The wolf has become your home. What does it mean it's time to go home. Underwater you can hear the wolf howling crying don't go you're home you're home. Who does the voice belong to? The ocean now speaks. It tells you to go. To continue on your journey. You're crying now. This entire journey you've been alone and the minute you find yourself happy you have to go. The ocean tells you it will drown you if you don't get out now. You can't stay here it says. You're mad now. Why did you make me feel so welcome if you were just going to kick me out? The wolf is howling please stay with us the water will fill your lungs and you'll become like me and we can live in the ocean forever. The ocean tells you that you were made to do great things and to do great things you must go out into the world. You'll get bored of the ocean. You'll hate yourself if you don't give life a chance. The wolf and I says the ocean we'll always be with you. The wolf asks the ocean if it can at least give you a ride to the shore. You decline the wolf's offer saying that it will only make things harder when you get to shore so you swim there alone. Once on shore, the water flushes into a giant drain leaving behind a rock with the same color as the wolf's eyes. Before you go to the voice calling your name, you go to the drain and pick up the rock. It is small and cold just as you've imagined the wolf's eyes to be like.

Back on the shore is a tiny older woman. She takes you to a white furniture store where the employees consistently ask you if you need help. You follow her to the back to the store where there are dark blue recliner chairs. She sinks into one and props her legs up on an ottoman. You sit in the chair next to her.  

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